His mercies are new every morning....

I'm banking on it.
His mercies need to be new each morning.

And, as a mom, so do mine.

Last night, my husband and I crashed on our couch. Our child, our dear child, whom we love, was still wailing because of a consequence we handed him.
Frankly, we were all out of consequences. I mean, we were out. We were both stressed out, frustrated, angry and just wondering how on earth our child could be so naughty. In one day! I mean, he seemed to have crossed every bridge on the disobedience road. He crossed it with vengeance. We took away about every privilege we could. We threw away toys. I mean, it was like a new version of disobedience entered and would. not. leave.

My husband and I sat in silence for a while, waiting for the wailing to die down. We were both hoping the other person would be the one to climb the steps to deal with the crying child, but neither of us were moving. We were both upset. It was good to sit still for a while.

Then, finally, I got up. I hauled myself up the steps, up his ladder and into his top bunk. His crying had died down. He was still angry. So was I.

So I scratched his back. It was all I knew how to do anymore. I couldn't talk reason to him. I couldn't go back through what the day had been like. I couldn't even really address the situation that was making him cry so hard.

I just scratched.

Then I came downstairs again and I said to my husband "His mercies are new every morning...."
trying to reassure myself that His mercy towards me, when I lost my cool, when I got angry, when I was at my wit's end, would come again tomorrow morning. And that His mercies would reach my child as well.

Then my wise husband looked at me and reminded me: "Yours need to be new every morning too."

This morning I woke up and I was still frustrated. I was tired. I wanted to stay in bed.

But, I got up. And I went on a walk by myself. I was dreading the day, and I wrestled with the Lord a bit while I sweated my way back home.
"I have no control over him."
"If this is how he acts at this age, what is he going to be like later, in his teens?"
"What if I have to join one of those support groups when I'm older, those groups of Christian women who pray for their wayward children?"
"I don't know what to do!! I can't get him to obey me! I can't change his heart! I can't....."

And it hit me. That's just it.
I can't.

I can steer. I can inform. I can give consequences. I can give praise.
But I can't make him do what I want him to. What I hope he will do.
I can't be in control of all his actions.

I thought of my 1-year-old. I have a lot of control over that kiddo. I can pick him up and move him. I can put him in another room. There's not a whole lot of "heart issues" I have to work on with him.
It's a different story with my 3 and 5-year-olds.
I thought I had longer. But I don't. They want their own ways. Just like I do. And I watch them pursue their ways. By bullying their brothers. By being unkind. By lying. And it's painful.

So I need to pray. Pray for their hearts. Pray for their salvation. Pray for my own heart--that I would be forgiving. I would be merciful. I would be peaceful even when they are not.

Today there were still struggles, but not as many. Or, maybe there were as many, but the Lord graciously gave me a heaping helping of peace today.
Either way, I'm thankful for those mercies of His.

Kristin